great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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