My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize