What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
