Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Someone shit on the floor
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
