Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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