what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
