How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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