Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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