That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
