I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
