just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
