I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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