Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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