no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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