if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
