You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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