the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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