I wanna bring you to show and tell
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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