I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize