Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
