ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
