just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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