i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
