seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
