btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
