We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
