You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ambien. No doubt about it.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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