we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
