90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
