Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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