Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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