you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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