another moral hangover. fuck.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
