Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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