I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
