So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
