I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
