wakey wakey hands off snakey
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
