walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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