There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
