If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
