Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
