peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
