life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
