Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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