I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
