If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
