I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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