If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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