i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
