This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
