It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
