According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
