So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
