I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
