I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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