Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
