i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
