Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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