she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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