The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
