my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
