I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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