he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
