Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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