Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
