I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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