He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
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