I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
