I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
