I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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