well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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