Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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