Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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