We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
