i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
