Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize