I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
did you just send me my own nude
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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