is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
